From a Place of Truth

I woke up this morning, after a long night, feeling cranky. Yes, I said it!! It is okay to wake up feeling crappy. But, it is not okay to go through the day with the same spirit. So, I went to God and I spoke with sincerity, read my bible and released my day into his hands. Following this, i meditate on what to share today. I had no idea what to write and I prayed for direction from the Holy Spirit. It might sound cliche but that is exactly what i did.  In doing so, I thought about my journey so far with God.

I keep talking about my walk with God as a journey because I am learning that my life will not just change overnight. Sometimes we forget that things do not just change in us or in our lives just because we are in the presence of God. Those roots from our past that caused pain; that affected our lives in a negative way are not completely washed way when we get baptized.

Therefore, It takes a journey of learning, of trusting, of being renewed, of praying, of overcoming, of seeking just to get to a few of the steps that God wants to take us. This journey is therefore a life long journey of change, growth and development.

My walk with God started two years ago. When I just started I expected everything in my life to go at Fast Food speed. I thought because I was filled with the Holy Spirit; I was transformed and that was it. I operated like that and pretty soon everyone expected so much from me. Through their expectations I started to push even more to mold myself into who they wanted me to be and who I wanted to be but in all of that I lost sight of who God wanted me to be.

Even as i type these words, God is revealing things that I did not consciously see or thought about.

So what I am saying is that, it is okay to have bad days on your journey. Don't feel guilty about it. Don't judge yourself because of it. Just don't let those bad days become your permanent reality. Always fill God in, always allow God to be your ground, always take it to him first. He will transform that day into a renewed spirit and mind.  

 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discourage”. -Deuteronomy 31: 8

When We are Angry with God

I remember shouting at God with what I thought was righteous anger. "God you Promised!!" I yelled, "You promised!! This is not what you promised!!."

I was upset. I was hurt. It seemed that God had broken his promise. He had let me down like all the other people in my life. 

"Why?" I asked.

 I knew He is prefect. I knew He does not made mistakes. My brain knew that. My intelligence knew that. However, my emotions would have none of it. My emotions wanted to wage war. My emotions wanted to give God the silent treatment. So I did. I did not talk to Him. I filled my time with everything else expect for Him. I wanted to punish Him for letting me down. I wanted God to feel like how I did, sad and brokenhearted. 

Clearly, this course of action made no sense. But my emotions assured me it did. My emotions laid the plans and carried out the actions.

This is why as Christians, we live by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). I am only just realizing to what extent this verse means. Our emotions react to sight; so we see, we react and we believe. That is how we are programmed to function. But, as children of Christ our communion with God teaches us that sight is relative. Sight does not explain things of the spirit. If we use sight when it comes to our relationship with God, we will find that we will become bitter and give up on God.

Faith is what gives us that assurance. Our assurance comes from God. A pastor said once, faith is the power of God inside us. We cannot touch it, we cann0t see it but it is one of the most powerful tools we have. Without it we will lose our way.

So, I was not using my faith above. I allowed my emotions to rule my communion with God. How many times do you make that mistake?

At the Edge of Giving Up

There was no light. His mind was made up. Enough was enough. David told himself that this was it. He was tired of this Godly walk. He was tired of fighting to save his soul because of a comic battle between God and the Devil. He told himself that this had nothing to do with him. But in his soul, he was afraid of losing his salvation. He wanted grace. He wanted to be in the bosom of God. The thought of eternal damnation did not sit right in his spirit. How could he walk out on the Holy Spirit? How could he give up on God; when God did not give up on him.

David sighed.  In truth, he knew there was no point in turning back. What was he going back to? However, the thought of living up to perfection was too much. Everyone's expectations was just too much. What did God expect? He expected too much. David was at the edge of giving up. But what David did not know was; that God was right there with him.

The truth is that God does not place any expectations on us. He does not place any demands. He knows that once His spirit is in us we will automatically be His witness. We are the ones who place expectations, barriers and impossible tasks on ourselves and others. Sometimes,  we expect to be and do more than Jesus. In doing so, we don't allow God to mold us, we don't allow ourselves to be clays that are made of fire. We try to mold ourselves by being prefect; by creating a persona in us of who we think God wants us to be; instead of letting God create us. 

David's story  reminds us that it is easy to give up on our beliefs and on God. We will give up if we try to do it all by ourselves. I have learnt that faith is a journey. No two journeys  are alike. What might be easy for your brother and sister in faith might take you years to conquer. That does not mean that their is something wrong with you. It just means that based on who you are God is preparing you differently. 

I have also learnt that there is no such thing as human perfection in Christ. God is prefect because He is not human . He loves us because we are human. 

Thank you for sharing.

Picking Up the Pieces

  Standing in the middle of an empty room that once was my everything. This room held my life. Everything that was near and dear to me once covered the walls; these things once created a beautiful maze of love and faith. Now, it was empty. Everything that was once dear to me was gone. I did not realize that slowly and surely my life was changing. My vision was shifting. My life was moving, not into truth but into darkness and dead. Once the reality of the situation hit. The room was suddenly transformed into its true image. A place of wilderness and despair. It was a void of nothingness. It was a picture of my soul.


The story above reminds us that as people of God we cannot take anything for granted. Salvation is a journey that is daily taken when we have an encounter with God. These encounters with the Holy Spirit comes through communion. If there is no communion our souls will be the empty room mentioned above.

Today, I want to share a journey that the Lord has been speaking to me about. Today I started a new journey of 100 days of prayer with God.  

It makes no sense right? 

It goes without saying that we should pray every day. 

This is different. This is 100 days of purposeful prayer and meditation. It is about focusing on an area of my life in Christ and working on building, overcoming, developing and being grounded in Christ. For me, this journey is about deepening my relationship with my God. 

  I could quote a scripture right now to re-enforce my point but  I am not going to. The truth is this journey is about being obedient to the word of God. I know that by being obedient I will see that God does nothing by chance. I will learn to draw closer to God and to be stronger in God. I know this will not be easy. I know their will be days I will be sick, days I will not want to pray, days I will be tired. In those days I pray that God will water my soul and renew a right spirit in me. 

So, today I got up and I started my journey with a fast for purification and I prayed. Not a righteous prayer. I prayed and poured out my thought, my feelings and I asked for God's renewal.

The scripture I meditated on this morning is Psalms 1 and the highlighted portion is what spoke to my soul.

    Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
    or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
²   but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.

 
³   That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season    and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

 

⁴   Not so the wicked!
    They are like chaff
    that the wind blows away.
⁵  Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
    nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

⁶  For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
    but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

New International Version (NIV)

Thank You for sharing my journey.